A "natural leader"

What is a "natural leader"?

I got to thinking about this the other day while considering my two older boys.  They are just kids, and like anybody they are complicated and multi-faceted individuals.  For the sake of this example, I'm going to just treat them as simple stereotypes.

Jack is my older son.  He is naturally charismatic and has a large group of acquaintances and friends.  He charms children and adults with his easy style and effusive character.  Other kids naturally follow his example, want to play games that he devises and generally look to him for leadership.  At the same time, Jack is not very concerned about others.  He is often dismissive of others' feelings.

Ethan is my middle son (I have another, even younger son).  Ethan is very empathetic and quickly identifies the needs and emotional wants of others.  He feels deeply and shows great concern for the development and well-being of other kids (including his brothers).  Ethan does not display the same sort of outward and obvious charm that Jack does, he has his own (very unusual) sense of style and in general is not a "popular" sort of kid.  Other kids don't naturally flock to him, and he has very few acquaintances and just a few close friendships.

So, in this either-or scenario, who is the "natural leader"?  Jack is the one that people naturally want to follow, but Ethan is the one who possesses the emotional intelligence and selfless concern that characterizes great leaders.

The easy answer is to say that neither is really a natural leader, and that a natural leader is someone who possesses both characteristics.  I think that answer is wrong, though.  There is a lot of literature on leadership that seems to indicate that really successful leaders are often not the big keynote, charm-the-audience types, but more of the help-develop-your-people-though-honest-methods types.  We all remember Steve Jobs, but who ever really wanted to work for him?

Update:
I see this thing from time to time and it gets me to thinking:

At first glance it's very heart-warming and embraces diversity and has a cute girl standing akimbo with a soft-focus field and really seems like a great idea!  Except this... "Bossy" is not a leadership skill.  "Bossy" is a completely unnatural leader--bossy is a person who wants others to do what she says to do.  Bossy doesn't imply that others want to follow.  Bossy doesn't imply that you care about what's best for others, or that you're qualified to lead at all.  Bossy just means that you want to lead.

Really makes me wonder about Sheryl Sandberg that she doesn't seem to know the difference.


What do you think?